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The Shape of Grief

My paternal grandmother died 13 years ago.  Her name was Marion.  Actually, we only called her “Grandmother.” although as formal as that sounds, she was not as such.  A bit of a hippie, was one of the most quintessential DIYers you could think of, made ridiculously delicious lemon desserts (if only I appreciated them as a 7 year-old), and had a background in social work.  I adored her very much.  Our daughter’s middle name is her maiden name – and so she carries on. Unfortunately, all 4 of my grandparents have passed away.  And they did so within a similar timeframe of just about two years of one another.  I remember where I was when I heard (or suspected) the news of each of their deaths:  in my college dormitory; driving home solo 7 hours from NY-ME in a snowstorm; in my childhood living room; alone in my apartment.  The same month that my last grandparent died, my future father-in-law did, too. I bring these memories up for a couple r...
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The Good Selfishness

Self-care . “Oh sure,” (you might be thinking), I’ve heard of that…That’s the trendy need to journal every day.  Or Meditate.  Or do yoga.  Breathe deeply.  Listen to folk music.  Eat ‘clean.’  Get 8-10 hours of sleep….Carly, you’ve written  about this  before, r ight ?” Yes, you got it!  That’s self-care! … at least it is for some. Self-care is so much more than the few items listed above, because as you may recognize,  self  is the larger piece of the pie.  You get to be the one to decide  how  it looks,  when  it happens, and  how often . For yourself, specific practices that create a personal sense of nourishment may look like a variety of different things, and possibly quite different than your sister’s or your friend’s own arrangement.  What’s more, your own mix of self-care routines will likely change over time.  As we grow and change, often our focuses do as well.  As t...
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